Advance Health Care Directives: 10 Questions Every Family Should Discuss

Talking about medical choices in the face of serious illness or end-of-life care isn’t easy—but it’s one of the most important conversations you can have. Advance health care directives ensure that your personal values, beliefs, and treatment preferences are honored, even if you’re unable to speak for yourself. For families navigating aging, chronic illness, or caregiving responsibilities, these documents offer clarity, peace of mind, and a powerful way to reduce confusion and conflict during medical emergencies.

In this guide, we answer 10 essential questions to help you understand and complete your advance directives with confidence.

1. Why Should I Express My Wishes About Health Care?

While your doctors can recommend treatment, only you can define what “quality of life” looks like for you. Medical technology today can prolong life even during serious illness, but each person has different values and priorities when it comes to life-sustaining care.

Advance directives help you clarify and document your preferences, such as:

• Would you want CPR if your heart stopped?
• Would you want to be placed on a ventilator?
• Would you accept feeding through a tube if you lost the ability to eat or swallow?
• Would you want antibiotics if facing a life-limiting condition?
• If diagnosed with progressive dementia, what treatments would you want—or not want?
• Would you choose to be an organ donor?
• At what point would you prefer palliative care over aggressive treatments?

Without advance directives, your loved once may be forced to make difficult decisions without knowing your true wishes. In fact, show that nearly one in four older adults receives unwanted or excessive treatment because their preferences were not documented.

2. What Are Advance Directives?

Advance directives are legal documents that allow you to make your medical preferences known in advance. They typically include:

• ‍Living Will or Health Care Directive: Outlines which types of medical treatment you do or do not want if you become seriously ill or are near the end of life.‍
• Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care (also known as a Health Care Proxy): Designates someone you trust to make medical decisions on your behalf if you are unable to speak for yourself.‍
• POLST Form (Physician Orders for Life-Sustaining Treatment): In some states, this document allows people with serious illness to translate their treatment preferences into actionable medical orders for emergency responders. Visit polst.org to find out what’s available in your state.

3. Who Should I Choose as My Health Care Proxy?

Your health care proxy should be someone who knows you well and understand your values—typically a spouse, adult child, sibling, or close friend. Most importantly, choose someone who can remain calm under pressure and will advocate for your wishes, even in emotional charged situations.

You should also name a backup (alternate) proxy in case your first choice is unavailable or unable to serve.

4. What Should I Talk About With My Health Care Proxy?

Having a signed document is only part of the process—what truly matters is the conversation. Sit down with your chosen proxy and talk through:

• What matters most to you in life
• Your feelings about life-sustaining treatments
• Situations where you might choose comfort care over aggressive treatment
• Your spiritual or ethical beliefs about death and dying

Be sure to provide them with a copy of your advance directive. These conversations can make all the difference in ensuring your wishes are understood and honored.

5. Why Are These Conversations So Important?

Even when advance directives are in place, studies show that loved ones often misinterpret what the person would actually want. One study by Yale University found that only 21% of health care surrogates accurately predicted their loved one’s preferences—even though they felt confident they could.

When your family understands your wishes clearly, it reduces stress, avoids conflict, and allows everyone to focus on care and connection—not difficult decisions—during critical moments.

6. Where Can I Get Advance Directive Forms?

Advance directive forms are widely available and often free. You can:

• Ask your doctor or local hospital
• Visit www.nhdd.org for state-specific forms and resources
• Contact your local Area Agency on Aging, senior center, or elder law attorney
• Work with a geriatric care manager for support and guidance through the process

7. Who Should Have a Copy of My Advance Directive?

Once completed, share your advance directive with:

• Your primary care provider
• Your health care proxy (and alternate proxy)
• Any specialists or care teams you regularly see
• Hospitals or health care systems where you receive treatment
• Your senior living community (if applicable)
• Trusted family members or close friends

Clear communication prevents confusion. Without it, loved ones may disagree—or even be surprised—by your documented choices.

8. What If I’m Not Sure What I Want?

That’s completely normal. Many people feel overwhelmed by the choices or uncertain about future scenarios. Start by:

• Talking to family, friends, or spiritual advisors
• Attending workshops at senior centers, hospices, or community health events
• Exploring online resources and videos
• Meeting with a geriatric care manager or elder care counselor for guidance

This is not a one-time decision—it’s a process of reflection and conversation.

9. Can I Change My Mind Later?

Yes. Advance directives are flexible and can be updated at any time. You can:

• Tear up the old forms
• Mark them as “revoked”
• Create a new version that reflects your current wishes
• Verbally inform your doctor and health care proxy

It’s a good idea to review your directives every few years—or after major life events such as a diagnosis, surgery, or family change.

10. Will My Doctor Help With This?

Absolutely. Many physicians welcome the opportunity to discuss advance care planning, and Medicare covers this service. Your doctor can:

• Explain your health outlook and possible treatments
• Help you understand the risks and benefits of various interventions
• Provide or review your documents
• Ensure your wishes are documented in your medical record

These conversations are best held proactively—not during a health crisis.

How Geriatric Care Managers Can Help

Navigating advance care planning can feel complex—but you don’t have to do it alone. Geriatric care managers (also known as aging life care professionals) specialize in supporting older adults and families through important health and life transitions. They can:

• Facilitate thoughtful conversations about your health care values
• Help complete and distribute your advance directives
• Coordinate with your doctors, family members, and care teams
• Guide you through emotionally sensitive topics like end-of-life choices
• Ensure your preferences are respected across all care settings

Whether you're just starting the planning process or revisiting your directives, a geriatric care manager provides clarity, compassion, and advocacy every step of the way.

Put Your Wishes in Writing—And Give Your Family Peace of MindYou have the right to make your own medical decisions—and the power to lift a heavy burden from your loved ones. Advance directives are a gift of clarity and love.

📞 Contact LiveWell today to schedule a free initial consultation and discover how our experienced care managers can support you and your loved ones—during the holidays and beyond.