Telling the truth is a value most of us hold dear—instilled in us by our parents, teachers, and culture. But when a loved one is living with memory loss due to Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia, truth-telling can sometimes do more harm than good.
Imagine this: Your mother asks to speak with her husband, who passed away years ago. Gently reminding her of his death might send her into a spiral of grief—as if she were hearing the news for the first time. In moments like these, strict honesty can be unintentionally cruel.
This is where therapeutic fibbing comes in. Also known as “loving deception” or “compassionate truth-telling,” this approach allows caregivers to prioritize emotional comfort over factual accuracy. When used carefully and respectfully, it can be a powerful tool to help your loved one feel safe, calm, and connected.
Therapeutic fibbing is a caregiving technique that involves altering, omitting, or gently bending the truth in order to avoid distress and reduce confusion. It’s not about trickery or manipulation—it’s about stepping into your loved one’s reality and meeting them where they are, emotionally and cognitively.
Rather than constantly correcting them or “bringing them back to reality,” you offer responses that support their current emotional state—even if those responses aren’t strictly factual.
This strategy is especially helpful when reasoning or logic no longer reach your loved one due to the progression of their cognitive decline.
To someone with dementia, time is often distorted. Their current reality might place them decades in the past, where long-gone relatives are still alive or familiar homes still exist. Correcting these beliefs can trigger:
When repeated often, these reactions can erode trust between caregiver and loved one, making daily interactions more challenging and emotionally draining.
By contrast, therapeutic fibbing can diffuse tension and allow for smoother, more loving communication.
Here are some common situations where therapeutic fibbing can be both kind and effective:
Instead of saying, “Mom passed away 10 years ago,” which can trigger shock or tears:
This validates the emotional need without forcing painful facts.
If your loved one no longer drives and asks for the keys, avoid confronting them directly:
This prevents frustration and offers a safe alternative.
Rather than telling Dad he has a doctor’s appointment, which might prompt refusal or agitation:
This reduces anticipatory stress and makes the outing feel more natural.
Paranoia is a common symptom of dementia. If your loved one accuses someone of stealing something they misplaced:
Avoid arguing or insisting they’re wrong. Reassurance and gentle redirection are more effective.
Many caregivers wrestle with guilt when they first begin using therapeutic fibbing. It may feel like you're betraying your loved one’s trust. But in reality, you're prioritizing their emotional truth—the part of them that still feels love, fear, comfort, or loss, even if the facts get jumbled.
Here are a few guiding principles to help you navigate these situations with integrity:
At LiveWell, we understand how complex and emotionally draining dementia care can be—especially when you’re trying to do what’s right for someone you love. Our geriatric care managers are trained to support families with communication strategies like therapeutic fibbing and much more.
We provide:
Whether you’re just starting out or have been caring for a loved one for years, our team is here to offer clarity, confidence, and compassionate solutions.
💬 When Calm Matters More Than Facts: We’re Here to Help
If you’re struggling with how to talk to your loved one with dementia, you’re not alone—and you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Therapeutic fibbing can be an act of love, not deception. And with the right guidance, you can feel confident knowing you’re making choices rooted in kindness and care.
